The Goodbye Girl

Date

27.06.25

The Goodbye Girl (1977)

Rated PG

Directed by Herbert Ross Production Company Warner Brothers

Starring Marsha Mason, Quinn Cummings, Richard Dreyfuss

A young woman and her daughter discover that her ex-boyfriend has sublet the apartment they shared to a friend of his while they are still living in it. Based on the play by Neil Simon.

Opening Thoughts

The last time I went out on a date was back in 2001. A co-worker set me up with the son of one of her friends, and the date consisted of me and her going over to his parents’ house for brunch with him and his parents. I was about as comfortable with the situation as anyone would be meeting someone’s parents on a first date, but all week long the co-worker kept building the guy up to me, telling me how sweet of a guy he was, how he was really close with his parents and helped them out a lot, how he had built his own two story log cabin on the edge of their property, how much he loved Jesus. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and see how things went. I actually can’t even remember his name now, but we’ll call him “Guy”.

Well, the brunch was great! Guy’s mom was this amazing cook and we had quiche and croissants and crepes, all set out on a beautifully decorated table in their lush garden. His parents were very friendly, and we had a great time talking about work and life in general. Guy himself seemed rather quiet, and after a while he asked if I wanted to go for a walk and talk. I said yes, so we walked around the garden and I talked about my church, being a youth group leader, the events we had taken the youth to, my job at the nursing home and, of course, movies. Guy still wasn’t saying much, but seemed at least politely interested in what I had to say.

Then his mom found us and mentioned that maybe Guy would like to show me his house, which he’d built all by himself. I loved the idea of him building his own cabin, and was very eager to see it, so we walked over and he took us on a tour of it. It was a gorgeous house, and I was feeling better about the whole thing. This was obviously a very handy guy, a good listener, and I was really looking forward to getting to know him better. I remember chatting with my co-worker and his mom, gazing around the inside of the cabin with soft fantasies of maybe living there someday, when I realized Guy had disappeared. I figured maybe he had gone to the bathroom or something. Then I looked out the window and saw Guy getting into his car, starting it up and pulling away. I turned back to his mom, wondering if he was running to the store for something.

“Um, is…is he going somewhere?” His mom looked at me, embarrassment growing in her face.

“Yes,” she said, almost squirming. “He, uh, he had forgotten that he was supposed to mow a neighbor’s yard today, so he wanted to go get that done.”

“He left?” I squeaked. “Now? In the middle of our date? He just left? Without even saying goodbye to me? He just left?”

“I’m so sorry, dear.” At least his mom had the grace to look ashamed at her son’s behavior.

I was thunderstruck. It wasn’t the first time I’d been rejected by a guy, there had been several who hadn’t been as interested in me as I was in them. To be honest I was used to it by this point in my life. But every other guy at least had had the courage to tell me to my face, to be honest with me. But Guy had just left, left without even saying goodbye to me. Nothing. I felt like a door had been shut right in my face and I was a mixture of humiliation, hurt, and rage, all boiling together like a stew. I was able to thank his mother for the lovely brunch (I really did like her) and that I had enjoyed meeting her son before I made it out to the car and burst into tears. Was I so repellant that he had to literally run away from me? I just didn’t get it.

So, I was able to relate very well to what Paula and her daughter Lucy had to go through in the movie The Goodbye Girl. Keep reading to see what God showed me!

Spoilers For The Goodbye Girl here!

Paula and her daughter Lucy have been out shopping for their upcoming move from New York to California. Paula’s boyfriend, Tony, has gotten an acting role there and they are all very excited. When they arrive home however, Paula discovers Tony has left her a note saying he’s gotten another job with a bigger part in Italy, and that he is breaking up with her. Paula is devastated, as this is another yet another abandonment in a string of breakups.

The next day the building manager speaks to Paula, giving her the unwelcome news that the apartment she is currently living in has been sublet by Tony. Paula is aghast that Tony would do such a thing to them, but is powerless to do anything about it as the lease is in his name. Paula and Lucy wake that night to someone knocking on the door, the sublettee, Elliot Garfield. Eventually Elliot and Paula agree to share the apartment until other arrangements can be made. At first the two hate each other with a passion, but eventually Elliot’s sense of humor and madcap ways endear him to Paula and Lucy.

Paula and Elliot begin a relationship that becomes serious very quickly, however when Elliot is offered a movie role, Paula is afraid the same Tony tragedy is happening all over again. Elliot swears he loves her and Lucy and will return as soon as shooting is over, but she doesn’t truly believe him until he trades his first class ticket in for two coach seats and offers to bring her with him while filming. Paula is delighted, but says she doesn’t need to go with him, she just needed to know that he wanted her to. The film ends on a hopeful note, with Paula and Lucy wishing Elliot a safe trip and looking forward to his return.

So What Did God Show Me?

-By all rights, Paula’s life couldn’t get any better. She has a hot actor boyfriend, Tony, who’s on the edge of being famous, a smart and sassy daughter, and a beautiful apartment. Tony has a new job in California, and they will all be moving there in just a few days to start a new chapter in their lives. Paula has all kinds of plans for when they get to California, what they will do, what they will wear, where they will live, what they will eat. Everything is perfect. She doesn’t know that in a mere five minutes she’ll discover that her boyfriend has left her, her apartment has been sublet out from under her to a stranger, and she’s stranded with no job and no way to take care of her ten year old daughter. All of her carefully laid plans have flown out the window. She’s hurt, and scared, and feels like her life is over.

Have you ever felt like that? Have you had a plan for your life, feeling confident in the way that it’s going, and then something comes along and changes everything? Maybe you were really excited about something, like a vacation or starting a new job or relationship. Then, for some reason, it all tanks, and we sit there, thunderstruck, wondering what the heck happened. How can things go from perfect to putrid in one fell swoop? God must really have it in for us to spoil everything like that.

I mean, He must, right? He must really be a complete creep to wreck all of our plans and turn our excitement and anticipation into hopelessness and despair. God must be a totally depraved sociopath, who really gets His kicks by dumping on our lives and watching us squirm. He just can’t abide it when we get too happy and things are going too well. That other shoe is always going to drop.

But what if…what if He’s not like that? (Hint: He’s not.) What if the upsets in our lives are really God course-correcting us? We may be cruising along thinking everything is great, but God sees the bigger picture, and He has plans for our lives that we can’t even imagine. Because God doesn’t always want us to settle for what we think is good. So the next time disaster strikes in your life, sit down, take a deep breath, and ask, “God, what are you doing in this?”

-Elliot takes his religion very seriously, even when he is being mocked about it by Paula. When in the middle of life’s chaos he goes to the source of what he knows will give him peace and comfort (remember, his plans were upended too!), and even suggests to Paula she could partake and receive benefits as well. Granted, Elliot appears to be practicing some form of transcendental meditation, which I don’t endorse or recommend because TM is nothing compared to having a personal relationship with God. Sitting and humming and burning incense pales next to having a loving Father God who is intimately involved in your life. But I appreciate Elliot’s belief and commitment, however misdirected. We need to seek God in the same way, starting our day seeking and anchoring ourselves in His peace and presence when everything around us is going insane. Only then are we able to face our challenges from a place of groundedness in God.

-At one point Paula lashes out at Elliot for bringing a girl back to the apartment. They are only running lines for the play they are both in, but Elliott makes no secret of how attracted he is to his co-star, and Paula assumes they will be having sex and is horrified at how it might affect Lucy. Elliot rebukes Paula, basically calling her a hypocrite, since she herself was having an affair with Tony, who was living with them while separated but still married to his wife. Paula wilts in shame when she realizes he is right, and approaches Lucy in embarrassment to see how she feels.

Have you ever been caught with the plank in your eye while trying to point out the specks in others? I have, and it is so humiliating. Jesus saw this kind of behavior all the time from the Pharisees, and in Matthew 7:3-5 he reminds his disciples to avoid this kind of activity. It’s not fair to look down your nose at someone when you’re just as human and flawed as they are. And even if by some miracle we were to find ourselves “better” than the other person, we still have no right to judge them so harshly. Instead, we should take a good look at ourselves and our own shortcomings before calling it out in others.

-As if Paula hasn’t gone through enough, she is robbed outside a liquor store while Elliot is inside purchasing wine, and loses all the money she has left in the world. Nearly hysterical, she yells at Elliot to go after the thieves and get her back her money. Elliot, to his credit, does so, protesting the whole way. It’s only when the thieves threaten his life that he backs off. Paula ends up blaming the robbery on Elliot even though he had nothing to do with it and tried to get her money back. It’s just another example of the pain Paula is feeling. Men have never treated Paula well, and unfortunately Elliot, because he happens to be there, is her punching bag, taking the punishment for all the other guys who have crapped on her life. Elliot takes her antagonism up to a point, because he is beginning to understand just how hurt she has been by the men in her life, and while he is not attracted to her yet, he cares about her as a person and wants to show her that not all men are like her ex’s.

I know many people who have turned their back on God, and blame Him for the hurt that they have suffered at a church. Unfortunately, there are many examples these days of people who claim to love God but treat their fellow man with spite and hatred, going all the way from rudeness and insensitivity to outright violation. It breaks my heart. I’ve heard it said that Christians are the only ones who shoot their wounded. If this has happened to you, I am so, so sorry, and as a Christian, may I extend an apology on behalf of those who may have hurt you. I know that may not make it better, but if you want to talk about anything, or if I can pray for you, please reach out to me at my contact page.

That being said, it’s important to remember that God is not the one who hurt you, it is the fault of those who have wildly misrepresented Him. God is no more at fault for your hurt than Elliot was for Paula’s robbery. God, like Elliot, is just easy to blame. The difference is God (as Jesus) did go after those who hurt us, and He didn’t stop when they threatened His life. He sacrificed everything to make sure everything we lost was restored to us.

-After being robbed, Paula is desperate for money. Elliot offers her half of all the cash he has, and in return, he asks only that she “be nice to him.” Paula is used to men taking advantage of her, in the movie novelization you find out that her first sexual experience was when her boyfriend threatened to kill her if she didn’t have sex with him, so it was decidedly non-consensual. She’s been so hurt by men she assumes Elliot only wants sexual favors from her and is wildy insulted. Elliot furiously clarifies that he doesn’t want to “jump on her bones”, rather he simply wants her respect and consideration. This is a clue to Elliot’s character, because it would have been the perfect opportunity to exploit Paula’s desperate situation, but Elliot is a decent man who truly wants to help Paula and Lucy, and to be their friend. He instead offers to loan Lucy half his money until Paula can get her head on straight and act like a decent human being. This is a good lesson for Paula, as she starts to realize maybe every man in the world (even actors) aren’t out to get her. Later she is able to apologize and thank him for his generosity.

It can be difficult to trust people after we’ve been hurt, and if you’re a Christian, it can be difficult to trust God and other Christians if you’ve been hurt by those who claim to love Him. I would urge you to talk to God about how you’re feeling, that you’re hurting, and scared, and don’t trust people, or Him. He cares about how you’re feeling, and is prepared to meet you where you are and go at your pace. He is endlessly patient and willing to put in the work to get you to trust Him again. Start small, take baby steps. All He needs is for you to be willing to try.

-Elliot is reeling from receiving fourteen scathingly bad reviews in one night for his outlandish performance of an effeminate Richard III. He’s certain his career as an actor is over. But Paula has taken Elliot’s admonishment to “be nice to him” to heart, and for the first time, she is encouraging to him and offers comfort and support in her appreciation and confidence in his acting skills.

As a writer and a creative in general, it can be terrifying to receive rejection. Creatives pull from the deep parts of themselves, and put it on display for all the world to see and judge. I know firsthand what it feels like to work so hard and to have made myself vulnerable and to be told what I have to offer is wrong, stupid, or just not what people are looking for. It’s heartbreaking, and it makes it that much harder to want to try again. Why bother keep creating when the world is just going to spurn you over and over? Maybe you really do have nothing of value to offer.

That’s why it is so key to remember that we are not creating to please the world. We are creating for the simple joy of creating with God. Creating with God is a pleasurable experience, and we should create because we enjoy it, not because we’re obsessed with the result. Yes, it’s good to learn and grow stronger in our talents, and to want to turn out the best possible result, but seeking approval from the world shouldn’t be our sole desire. After all, true and lasting validation can only be found in God, not the world.

-Elliot and Paula have gotten to know each other better, and are becoming very attracted to each other. One night, Elliot surprises Paula with a romantic rooftop dinner, and as I watched this movie, I think this may be the first time a man has done something like this for Paula. She admits that she got together with Tony because she pursued him, and from what the movie tells us of their relationship, it sounds like she put a lot more work into it than he did. But Elliot is going above and beyond to show his love for Paula, and wants to delight her, and in response, Paula blooms before our very eyes, becoming more of the woman she was supposed to be from the very beginning.

I myself have been pursued once or twice by guys, but it wasn’t a good situation like Elliot does for Paula. For me it felt like the guys who pursued me were doing it because they expected something back from me for their efforts, not to merely delight and give me joy. And that sort of killed what they were trying to do in the first place, because all I felt was pressured. As awkward as those situations were, I’m glad they happened, because it showed me what I don’t want in a relationship. It also showed me how gratifying and satisfying it will be when I’m being pursued for the right reasons.

And don’t forget, God pursues as well, and he does it in all the right and best ways. He knows us better than anyone else, and loves to surprise and enchant us!

-I love how Elliot is not only dedicated to pursuing Paula, but Lucy as well. He knows that both of them have been hurt by being dumped, in different ways. And he knows that a relationship with Paula is going to include one with Lucy as well. Elliot cares about Lucy, what she thinks and how she feels, and therefore dedicates himself to show her and prove to her that he cares not only for her mother a great deal, but for Lucy herself. Lucy is also a “goodbye girl” in that her father and a father-figure have abandoned her, and while the movie mostly focuses on Paula, there are clues to how Lucy has been hurt as well.

Elliot showing up to Lucy’s school to pick her up in a horse drawn carriage is his way of “romancing” her, and he is willing to risk being rejected by her to let her know how much he cares about her and wants to be a father to her.

This is what God does for us!! He wants to “romance” us, to be the Father we never had (even if you had a great dad!). He wants us to know He’s “crazy” about us, and is willing to risk our rejection of Him to let us know how much He cares, and that He’s not like others who have come before.

-It’s happening again. Elliot has been offered an acting job across the country, and he’s leaving. Paula and Lucy are devastated. What they can’t seem to grasp though, is that Elliot will only be gone for four weeks. All they hear is that he’s leaving. He’s leaving them, like they’ve been left so many times before. They’re being abandoned, again. Why should they believe Elliot? They’ve been lied to before.

But Elliot is different, and dangit, he is going to do everything in his power to make them believe him. At first he offers to decline the job offer and just stay home. But when Paula eagerly jumps on that option, Elliot backtracks and reminds her that he wants this job and is going to take it, for several reasons: he wants to make money for them, for their apartment, for their life together. He always wants to take the job because he knows he will be able to use his talents well, not like in his disastrous Richard III production. But more than anything, he wants to take the job to show Paula he can be trusted. Because what would exercise trust in their relationship more? Elliot staying home and constantly assuring Paula that he can be trusted, or Elliot leaving and making Paula apply her trust in him?

Sometimes it feels like this with God. When we enter into relationship with God, perfection is never promised to us. As a matter of fact, a lot of times it can feel like the opposite. A friend of mine often says: “God likes to play hide and seek.” God’s job is not to sit at our side, holding our hand and making sure nothing ever rocks our boat. Sometimes it will feel like He’s disappeared, or abandoned us, but rest assured, He would never do that. He’s only out of sight for a while, to teach us both to look for Him and to stand on our own two feet. (For more on this, please check out my blog on the short film, Abandoned)

So Elliot leaves, and Paula is heartbroken, sure he is never coming back. But, like an earlier quote from Elliot proclaims, “The minute you think your world is collapsing, something wonderful happens!” Elliot has one card left to play. When his flight is delayed, he cashes in his first class ticket for two economies, and tells Paula to leave Lucy with a neighbor and come with him. That’s all Paula needs to know that Elliot is faithful and will return, (that and the fact that he’s left his guitar with her) and she sends him off with joy, looking forward to his homecoming. Paula finally understands that sometimes, “goodbye doesn’t mean forever”.

Closing Thoughts

So if you did the math, yes, it’s been almost twenty five years since I’ve been on a date. Yes, it can feel depressing sometimes. No, I haven’t sworn off men because of it. Yes, I’ve “put myself out there” to no avail. But I want to share another story.

The last time I fell in love with a man it was totally one-sided, he was a great friend but had no interest in me. I knew this, but I couldn’t help how I felt, so I just admired him from afar. This felt like enough for me, because on some level I guess I was hoping maybe someday he’d come to his senses and see what an amazing person I was and that he couldn’t live without me. So the day I found out he was marrying someone else I was pretty devastated. It felt like all my life I’d been attracted to guys who didn’t feel the same way, and I was sure it was always somehow my fault. For years I had tried to “fix” myself for guys, to make them like me. Lose weight, dress better, wear more makeup, get a cute haircut, be funnier, be smarter, be less spastic, be what they wanted! But nothing ever seemed to work, no matter how hard I tried. And I tried hard.

I remember driving to a park and sitting in my car, almost unable to breathe I was in so much pain. I slammed my fist into the passenger seat over and over, crying and gulping and sobbing. “Why God? Why didn’t he love me? Why doesn’t anyone ever love me? What do I need to do? I don’t know what to do anymore. What’s wrong with me?” I screamed at God, feeling utterly broken. What happened next is highly personal, so if it doesn’t make sense to you, that’s totally okay. I know what happened was real.

As I was sitting in my car, shouting and screaming at God, suddenly, God answered. I know it was God because I stopped crying immediately, like someone just shut the faucet off on my tears. I was in the middle of the stormiest, ugliest cry ever, and I was at the point where you don’t just stop. Then God spoke to me, not audibly, but I heard His voice in my head clearer than I ever have in my life. Here’s what He said to me:

“Sarah. There is nothing wrong with you. Absolutely nothing. He wasn’t right for you. That’s all. None of them were right for you. But I promise you this: there’s not going to be any more broken hearts, no more. The next time you fall in love with a man, it will be with the one you’re going to marry. You’ll know because you’ll know. And you won’t have to ‘do’ anything. Trust me, and believe that I am going to do this for you.”

I sat there quietly in awe. Never before or since have I had such a strong, tangible feeling of God’s presence, and I knew, somehow, in the depths of my soul, everything He’d just said to me was true. All the “rejection,” all the disinterest, none of it was my fault. I had tried so hard for so long to make myself attractive to the guys I was attracted to, and all it had ever brought me was frustration. But now God had totally flipped my way of thinking. It wasn’t me…in fact, He valued me too much to give me to just any guy. He was saving me for someone special…someone worthy of me. All I had to do was trust Him, believe His promise, and wait for Him to bring it to pass.

That was over a decade ago. I’m still waiting. Is it hard? Sure. Do I get lonely? Definitely. Do I wish it had happened by now? Yes and no… Are there days when the enemy has a field day with my feelings, asking me if I really heard God that day, if he really promised me that? Surely He would have made it happen by now, right?? Of course. But I choose to believe. If I’m wrong, I’ve lost nothing, since I’ve never had a boyfriend anyway. If I’m right, the wait will be so worth it.

What Paula thought was the worst thing that ever happened to her turned out to be the best thing. If Tony hadn’t dumped her, she would never have met Elliot, so I’m believing all of those “rejections” were really just God shielding me from wrong relationships. Like Paula with Elliot, God is giving me the opportunity to trust Him to do what He’s promising. I don’t profess to know how God works. But I do know He can be trusted. And I can’t wait to see what my love story will look like. ❤️

Is there a promise God has made to you that you are still waiting to see fulfilled? Do you still trust Him to bring it to pass?

Reading:
Psalm 37: 4-5

Challenge:
Revisit the time when God first made you this promise and reflect on what He’s done in your life as you’ve been waiting.