-The scene where Hetty is fired from her publisher hit home for me. As an author, I know the sting of rejection, and being released from a contract. It can be incredibly devastating when you pour your heart, soul, and time into a project, and it’s tossed aside with indifference for being “not good enough.” I’ve had this happen to me, it’s painful. But I had to come to the realization that first of all, every creative gift I have comes from God, and he meant us, from the beginning, to create wonderful and exciting things together. So every time, before I put my fingers on the keyboard or colored pencil to paper, I pray and thank God that I get to do this with him. I get to create “great and mighty things” that have never existed before in the entire scope of space and time! With my Dad! How awesome is that?? So keeping that in mind, even if what I have to offer the world is rejected, it does not decrease its value in any way, because I didn’t make it to please the world, it was creation in joyful union with my Heavenly Father. If what I write gets rejected 457 times and never gets published and sits in a drawer forever, it will still have value because it’s mine…and his ♥️. Also Hetty needs to just find another publisher, because she’s well shot of her current one. That’s the great (and terrible) thing about publishing these days…anyone can get published in some way.

-The publisher accuses Hetty of “having seen very little and done even less,” which is why her novels are “artificial and lifeless.” Argh, publishers can be such cold stones sometimes. My friend, James L Rubart, loves to tell the story of how his first book, Rooms, was viciously rejected. Almost fifteen years later, Jim has won five Christy awards and has been entered into their Hall of Fame for lifetime achievement in writing! It just goes to prove again that our validity, whether as authors or people, cannot be found in others, it can only be found in God. Another author, Ted Dekker, says “I am not a writer. I am a child of God. Writing is a role I play while I’m here on earth for a short time. If someone knocks down your “sandcastle,” or tells you it’s no good, it only means you have put too much of your identity into it. You are distinctive from your efforts/results.”

-Hetty regrets not traveling more when she had the chance, especially when she compares herself to Muriel Stacy, who has just come back from a trip to Europe and India. Muriel is very modern, drives a motor car, and has many interesting stories to tell of her travels. How can Hetty help but feel less than, especially when she sees her niece Sara is excited to talk to Muriel about her own trips to Europe. “Why would Sara want to spend time with a boring old woman like me?” she laments later to herself.

Sometimes I struggle with comparison, too. Except my struggle is around children. I’ve been single my whole life, and while I still believe I will be married someday, I have reached the stage in life where it is becoming apparent that I will most likely not ever have a biological child. Truthfully, I don’t think I want to be pregnant, go through labor, and give birth at my age anyway. And can you imagine me at their high school graduation at age 70? “Hey man, is that your grandma?”

I was thinking about this as I went through my baby book. Perhaps I will meet a man who already has children, that would be wonderful! But the fact remains there will never be anyone who looks like me. I will never pass on my genes to a child, no part of me will physically go on after I’m gone. I’ll never get the chance to hear how my baby laughs just like me, or how they have my blue eyes. I can’t pass the Daniels name to anyone. I don’t know why this particular part of my life turned out this way…I certainly desired children. I’ve always loved babies and taking care of them. It’s one of those things I just don’t have an answer for. One option is to see everyone around me having babies and raising families and allow bitterness to rot away my insides. But instead, I have chosen to trust God. I believe my Father knows me intimately, and treats every desire and longing of my heart as nothing less than precious. I have to believe that he is good, and his intentions to give me a life more abundant are good, even if I never have children.